11:23 a.m. - 12.12.2002
pomp and circumstance
Yesterday at work I got a phone call.
I don't have a phone in my cubical, let alone a phonenumber. I'm even amish at work.
Needless to say, calling me at work is a chore. When I heard someone call out from their office, "Amishboy! Telephone for you..." I knew someone had gone through a lot of trouble to speak with me. It was the University Judicial System regarding my arrest. The kindly female voice on the other end wanted to set up a time for me to come in and speak with the Associate Director. She also made certain to ask whether or not it was correct that I was graduating in a week. I said it was, we set up a time (this morning @10) and then she proceded to tell me about the long rambling message she had left for me on my answering machine at home in her quest to contact me - and that I should ignore it. Nothing else. No "why" or "what to expect" for my meeting. Just - *click*
I immediately jumped into Bloodhound Gang mode. Okay, what were the facts:
- I was wrongly arrested, on university property
- I was graduating in a week
- she specifically mentioned my impending grad status
- They tried real hard to contact me, and wanted to see me pronto
Hmmmmmm? What could it all mean?
The "glass is half-full" side of me leapt into action. OBVIOUSLY they realized what a big mix-up this all was, and I was to be fully exonerated! I would be showered with love and praise for my "patience" and "understanding" in this "most unfortunate misunderstanding" and as a token of the school's appreciation to my stoic character....I would get an honorary doctorate and lifetime teaching postion of my choosing with the University.
Case closed. Ahhh, it felt good to be free. No more shackels to the East, and new money in my pocket....Seattle, here I come!
By this morning, my meeting with the school was merely a formality. Some sort of ceremony to be sure. I'm not one for pomp and circumstance - but I decided to go, have some finger sandwiches, shoot the breeze with the prez...no big whoop.
I gaily skipped into the office promptly at ten (I've worked in conference and banquet set-up, I know it takes time) and annouced my arrival.
I was shown my seat in the waiting/staging/green room area and given a buffet of complimentary magazines to choose from and read. I chose the October 2002 issue of Popular Mechanics bacause it was slim and comprehensible. The October In-Style looked like a cumbersome mind-fuck. I mean really, I love a challenge, but I just finished "Mr. Tompkins in Paperback" by Gamgow, and the ceremony was minutes away (I could tell, because I could hear Steve Martin's opener wrapping up). I flipped through the slutty mechanics rag until 10.30.....okay, something was going on.
The receptionist approached me (who I quickly recognized as the kindly-voiced super-sleuth that tracked me down yesterday) and she handed me a yellow piece of paper which I was to "familiarize" myself with. I thanked her for all the trouble but said that it wasn't necessary. If she could be a lamb, I really just wanted the soup and salad and maybe a Reisling. And a Port for dessert (the University prez can be long-winded and dry.)
For a kindly-voiced woman, she was awful pushy. I took the yellow paper and threw my eyes around it briefly. I caught words like "Academic Discipline" and "Suspension" and "Expulsion".
"....." Houston, we have a problem.
APPARENTLY, aside from my traditional legal troubles and impending disciplinary action, I'm also accountable for University administration discipline. The most severe being the aforemetioned suspension and/or expulsion.
Ummm, graduation is a week away. My heart ran-home. I had to go through my meeting without.
The rest of the story is quite lame and makes for poor witty imagery, so I'm going to run through it. The Associate Director was a giant teddy-bear that told me I was facing Public Disordly and Harm to other People charges with the school. He asked my side of the story. I gave it. And he agreed with me that there was no-way a person of the amish persuasion would ever cause harm to another person. My resisting of arrest was then labeled an "inadvertent reaction to the officer's aggressiveness." Boy, it sounded so much better when he said it. If there was one thing this cop was, it was uber-aggressive. So, long story short (too late!) because of my iminent graduation, I was given a verbal slap (by a teddy-bear no less. Felt more like a kiss) and sent upon my merry way. What a relief!
So, my troubles didn't go away. But they weren't added to, so I come out even for the day. C'est le guerre.
(I WAS psyched about the finger food though. The Judical Services Office could put a tray of SOMETHING out at the very least. ....is a little candy-corn asking too much?)
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