9:00 a.m. - 01.22.2003
BootyRooters, Redneck Hair and the Gub-ment.
I'm thinking of starting a chain of colonic businesses in urban/ghetto areas. I'm calling it BootyRooters� (�, �).
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Speaking of booty.....the poop-monster (Annie-dog) took a chunk out of my nose last night. I'm beginning to think it wasn't a playful accident because...
Upon seeing my new gash, my mom burst-forth with a relishing cackle *shivers at remembrance*.
It's cool though. Now I have this bitchin' scab. Girls dig war-wounds, right? Or is that another male-myth I need to learn to live without...
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I can't leave the house. I now have redneck hair. Not a mullet, but the opposite - when rednecks have short hair.
You see, I mistakenly got this bad military haircut. But my bangs grow exponentially compared to the rest of my hair. So now, I have these thick, fast growing bangs, and military hair everywhere else. Not a pretty picture. All I need now is the moustache of a sixteen year old boy (you know the kind, one that doesn't really come in save for a few whisps, but he grows it anyway), a matching Dale Earnhardt hat/jacket combo, and maybe a black tee-shirt with a deer on it, or a wolf on a starry night.
Now I hope I DON'T get any interviews, because I'm not leaving the house.
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Today is the day I begin applying for the government jobs I've been eyeing. Being in HR for the government pays bucks! And they're hiring in Seattle!
The catch is: Being that it's the government, I swear I haven't seen so many hoops to jump through in my life. Figures.
We're talking forms galore! Forms, Forms, Forms, Forms, Forms. There are forms to fill out, just to receive other forms.
And a background check like no other. They actually need me to place them in contact with the person I loss my virginity to. As a character reference. Wha? Are they for real?
I suppose I need to start jumping though. When "the man" says jump - you jump! My poor footsies are gonna be soakin' tonight!
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