8:23 p.m. - 01.07.2004
The Write Stuff
I love the difference in generational writing styles when it comes to email.

My parents write in a primitive Tonto-speak: "Here good. Hope there good. Email weird and scary. Call soon."

They write like words are money and they were wiring me a cable. They just need to start writing at the end of sentences. I'm proud they have taken the great leap forward and even email me - but I think they have hit a developmental wall. They've adopted the technology into their lives as much as they ever will, and so refuse to learn to communicate through the medium anymore than necessary.

Then there are people around my age (give or take a few years on either end). Instead of Tonto-speak, we're actually too Victorian, formal, and proper in our correspondence amongst acquaintances. Sometimes even in our small, simple notes to friends we try to wax academic and witty with a language usually reserved for after dinner cigars and brandy at the polo club. And that's when we're cutting loose. Or maybe it's just me - but I curse a mile long when I talk, but when I type I can be Stuffy McSnotster.

Then there are the kids and their web-onics. I'm not even going to attempt to mimic it because I can't - I too have hit a developmental wall. If I see the words "sk8ter boi" I may as well be staring at hieroglyphics.

Sure there are exceptions. But there are also the generational differences in usage. My parents? Forwarded jokes and chain letters. That's it. Email is this great big system for exchanging jokes to one another. And that's it.

Me? I'd use it as my only way of keeping in touch if I could. Once in a blue moon, an old friend and I write and send those obligatory, "so this is where I am now and this is what I'm doing, hope you are well" emails and everything is right as rain - we can still say we're "in touch" and "close" with a clear conscience.

Then we come back to the kids. They'll send 15, 1-line emails to each other all day. Everyday. "Algbr suxs!! T-dogg is kewl." and think nothing of it. I'd go crazy. Just save it all up and tell me once in a nice long email - preferably towards the end of the week.

Anyhoo, just a thought. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an overloaded inbox of "fwd: jokes!" from my parents to delete. The kicker is, on every 30th joke they may actually write a quick line of vital information like, "You call here. Grandmom sick". And then they'll call me two weeks later wondering why I'm ignoring them and when I ask what the heck they're talking about they'll say, "But I emailed you. Didn't you get my email?"

No shit, over the holidays my dad was like, "What's your new email address, your hotmail is sending back my messages undelivered?"

The catch is, my hotmail address is the same but my box is full, dad, and my file size limit maxed-out, because I can't delete all the 735k pictures of "funny car predicaments by bad female drivers" as fast as you send them.

***

Look me in the eyes and tell me the truth. Honestly. Is my tan fading?

next