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8:07 p.m. - 02.04.2004
Found in Translation
Something's been bothering me in the back of my mind ever since the golden globes and I finally put my finger on it. Sharon Stone creeps me out. Seriously.

She really does scare me. I've hated her for sometime now because of something I once read about her. I once read an article on Leo Decaprio around the time of The Quick and The Dead, his international smash hit with Sharon Stone and Russell Crowe. Around the time of that movie Sharon was the famous crotch-shot Sharon we all know and...well know. And Leo was just a young upstart. Well, I read that superstar Sharon gave the young upstart some professional advice, which basically boiled down to "Actors are gods and everyone else is below us and dreams about being us." Since then I've kept my eye on her majesty, and she does carry herself with a holier than thou attitude. She seems to always be trying to be "on" if you know what I mean, with a coy, "oh, are you filming little old me?" fakeness. Did you see her mugging for the camera in her speech to Mickey Douglas?

My point is � Sharon Stone is dangerously close to becoming a modern day Norma Desmond. She's a cackling old witch living in a fading limelight, but in her mind, in her world, it still burns as bright as the sun. Wasn't she famous for like 15 minutes...in 1991 no less?

Do I really have nothing better to do than bitch about Sharon Stone. Someone needs to give me a crotch-shot of my own. The painful kind for you slower folk.

***

I bought Lost in Translation yesterday, naturally. It's worth getting just for the making of featurette. I swear Sophia Coppola is still just like when she played Nancy from Peggy Sue Got Married. She hasn't changed a bit. The best part is when she's so excited for Bill Murray to arrive in Tokyo. She still can't believe that he's going to be in her movie and she talks about him like he was a giant Barbie doll. She can't wait to dress him up in whatever she wants and make him say and do whatever she wants. She really is like a kid waiting for a new toy � it's so funny. Buy it!

***

I wrote my thoughts on the Super Bowl halftime show/national debacle to a friend and thought it was worth mentioning here.

First off, did anyone catch Titanic on NBC a month or two ago? They didn't seem to mind flashing a little boob then � I don't see what all the hoopla is about now.

As for Janet's performance, I thought it was so refreshing to see performance art brought to the common masses. Her piece, entitled "1988/Ode to Maternity" was a touching display.

Frankly, I was starting to become worried lately that people had forgotten the special feeling and music of that landmark year, 1988. The excessiveness, the boredom � and yet Janet brought it all rushing back. And kudos to the NFL for tapping MTV�s fresh outlook to get the very latest in music and performers to showcase the raw talent out there now. When Janet came out and busted into the current hit Rhythm Nation, I was all "Hell Yeah! Now this is my jam here muthaf-!" and proceeded to act a fool all up in this piece. Can you believe it? Rhythm. F-in'. Nation. I swear the only thing better would have been if Up With People sang it. Failing that, maybe 4 Non Blonds doing What's Going On � but that might be too contemporary and political for the Super Bowl.

For those that missed the Super Bowl, I know what you're thinking. How does Janet follow up a dance tribute to 1988? Normally I'd agree with you and say, you don�t. But then she launched into her next piece, Ode To Maternity.

It was a poignant number focusing on the touchy national issue of new mothers and public breastfeeding. It's so big, I�m surprised Bush focused on athletes and steroids in the State of the Union address as opposed to this issue. Ugh! Steroids! Sometimes I get so mad. I hate Iraq so much for making us invade them! I think Iraq has steroids hidden somewhere. I hate them so much that flames, flames, on the side of my face....

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Janet demonstrated her support for pro-public breastfeeding (with the help of the suckling babe, played perfectly by a babe of another color, Justin) by wearing one of those bras where the cup is removable for easy feeding action. At the end of her fertility dance, she had the babe remove the cup, as if to say "here everyone, feed on this". It was purely a political piece � am I the only one who saw this?

Of course, now the whole moral and christian right is up in arms and fingers are pointing and public apologies are flying. Heck, JC Chavez has been booted from his performance in the upcoming Pro Bowl as a precaution. Because after all, JC knows Justin � it's almost a given that one of JC's boobies will "accidentally" slip out. Kudos to them for having the forethought to make the connection between JC and Justin and curbing anymore nation-destroying behavior. If you don't curb things now, next thing you know, they'll be broadcasting two or three minutes of European TV over here, "accidentally", and then we'll all be forced to stare at not one, but *gasp* TWO boobies. It's bad enough I have to look at myself shirtless in the mirror, then having to turn on the tv and see someone else's bare breast as well. Enough is enough. I declare Janet Jackson's boob to be a weapon of mass destruction.

***

1984 is now.

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