chickyloverbaby

2006-04-24 - 16:35

Since I turned 30 I had my first obligatory "procedure". I wanted to call it a procedure since it seemed so inconsequential, but the doctor and everyone just called it surgery. Such a harsh word, surgery.

It was in my mouth, to remove a small area of skin for "testing". I knew what "for testing" meant. My doctor and all the nurses knew what "for testing" meant. My parents knew what "for testing" meant.... the funny thing though is that throughout the whole process, nobody ever called a spade a spade. The testing was only ever called "testing". They just assumed I was smart enough to pick up on it all without them having to say anything distasteful. Heaven forbid.

Anyhow...long story short...you know that thin flap of skin underneath your tongue, that connects it to the bottom of your mouth? They cut mine off. And tested it. And I'm cancer free. Which seemed perfectly logical considering I've never used/abused a tobacco product in my life. Well, except those one or two times in a non-smokers life when they're really trashed, and smoking on a cigarette for a minute or two sounds like such a fulfilling experience. Beyond that, nada.

Anyhow...there's a catch-22 about having surgery in your mouth. On the one side...until your tongue is hacked into with a nife and then stitched up, you have no idea how MUCH you use the damn thing every second of your day. It just flops around in your mouth there all day. Eating is out of the question. Talking too. Who knows what it's up to in your sleep - but it's painful.

On the other hand - the skin in the mouth and on the tongue has to be the fastest healing skin on the human body. Sure I was in pain...but roughly a few days later and I was right as rain. But man, those few days of pain? Ouchy. Luckily when it was over, it was better instantly.

So if you're going to have yourself a little "cancer-scare" (also obligatory after 30), remember that's what they're talking about when they say "testing" because they won't ever say it themselves. And remember to have it in your mouth. It will suck at first, but it'll be over a whole lot quicker.

(Oh yeah, in the end the thing in my mouth ended up being just some random "lesion" they called it. Apparently, "people just get them. But it's best to test it, to be sure". Whatever. So remember non smokers - don't smoke drunk, and always wear sunscreen under your tongue.)

out to pasture - to the barn raising