12:34 p.m. - 01.28.2003
the Salad Days and Frenching
I was rifling through some things here at my mom's, and I found some of my old poems. In high school I wrote poetry AND I was popular - how often does that happen?
I thought about posting them here - but then I had a thought. I'd be a 27 year old amishboy, living with his mom, who keeps a diary - that features his poetry.
I should just go ahead and tattoo 'sex-pot' on my forehead now. My mom always said I was a 'catch', and my grandmother was always talking about how I would have to 'beat them off with a stick'. I guess these are what they call the 'salad days.'
I've reached my peak. I should sprout a gray hair anyday now. My mom and I will become a lot tighter now in the near future when we can sit around and complain together about not being 'regular'.
***
I suppose I should try in earnest now to find myself a wife and a mortgage. Maybe I need to get gussied up and hit the singles country-line dancing scene. (Wookin' pa nub in all the wong places, wookin' pa nub...)
I'll grasp my Zima tight and manly as I saunter over to a nice Philly. I'll saddle up to the bar next her and sauvely wink with a, "I don't know if it was Color Me Badd or Shakespeare that said it, but I wanna sex you up."
(It's either that or, "I dunno know if it was the Marquis de Sade or Prince that said it, but your body's Hecto-Slammin'.")
***
I will let you in on a little secret though. When I was a student in Paris, and then again in Belgium, I picked up on a little something. A new style of kissing.
You see, culturally, the french are always a few steps ahead of us.
They have this thing now called - French-style kissing. Or "frenching" to the layperson. What it is see, is a variation of our 'open-mouth' kiss. When you're open mouth kissing - you simply touch tongues. Viola! Now you're "frenching"!
I tell you, those crazy french. But then, their society is so much more open than ours. Why, parisian kids are doing stuff like this in their teens! And even pre-teens!
I just wish I had caught on to frenching earlier.
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