11:49 a.m. - 04.05.2003
Icarus
My dreams have flown too close to the sun, and their wings of wax are melting. Now comes the fall to earth.
I did some preliminary number-crunching last night. I don't even have the money to move to Charleston, let alone Seattle. I didn't make nearly what I thought I would while temping.
The thought of having to stay here in NC to work for awhile, just to be able to leave, sent me into a tailspin.
I think my mother got the gist of my problem as she listened to my hyperventilating and tear-stuttering story.
She offered to arrange some kind of "loan". But she added that she felt it may be best for me in Raleigh if a job is what I'm after.
Raleigh is probably best for me - but coldradio and I were talking about how we're both tired of moving. If I moved to Raleigh, I'd just have to move again. And I'm starting to not want to. Like those pack-rat muppets towards the ends of Labyrinth, I've surrounded myself with things that comfort me. But they're a nuisance to haul around every year.
Although a move to Seattle would be one of a few future moves, I would streamline my life accordingly.
I think the point I'm trying to make is that I choose Seattle. But my financial situation is choosing otherwise. Since Charleston is my chosen final destination in life - it looks like I'm being forced to cut out the nice scenic long route to take the express high-speed commuter train. With me in an economical but comfy concrete seat in Triple-Third Class - you know, all they way in the back, PAST all the livestock. No, not there - a wee bit further - past the HazMat car carrying the thousands of viles of Bubonic Plague, VX gas, Anthrax, and SARS. That's my seat in life, just there.
But I remain upbeat and positive as always!
I mean, that Icarus fellow, he survived when he hit the ground, didn't he?! ....I don't remember. But I like to think he did. ...Didn't he?
Anyway, this is all in the first stages of loss and denial. You're catching the brunt of it. Tomorrow I may be a happy skipper with my new wings of wax strapped firmly to my back. My mom has counseled that I still take my exploratory trip to Charleston (it's free! Thank the lord for grandparents) and worry about money matters when I return. So I will.
***
Before all this went down in my head last night, my mom and I had a great night out in Winston-Salem. That really is a great little town! I wouldn't live there right now as a single man, but I would as a family man. If towns can be cute, then it is.
So we saw a movie and then grabbed some dinner and drinks. I had read that Phone Booth was a great suspense/thriller that had once been pitched to Hitchcock, that's how old the scritp is, so we checked it out. The entire movie takes place in a phone booth where the lead is unable to leave due to deadly consequences. How exciting can a movie in a phone booth be? Does he make it out? You'll just have to go see...
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