6:58 p.m. - 01.12.2004
Somethings Rotten in Suburbia
Maybe it's just cuz I live in the city and do a lot of walking, but I steam down the sidewalk. Also factor in that I'm on the taller side of life, so I have a pretty decent stride. So when I get going, I'm moving at a pretty good clip.
Walking in the city, not only do I motor past the pack, I then pull away a good distance.
And yet, when I get stopped at a light at the end of a block, all the people I practically just mowed down catch up to me, then they have the nerve to push around me so that they are standing, nay teetering, on the very edge of the curb in front of me, like a swimmer balanced on the end of his starting block. And I was already standing on what I felt was the curb.
Ummm...hello? Remember me, the big guy standing behind you? Yeah, I'm the one who just mowed your ass down for the last five blocks. Oh, and when the light changes - yup, I'm going to do it all over again. Can't you even try to remember that? Saves me from having to zig-zag around you and all your shopping bags as my bean pole legs dust your ass one more time, like one of those border collies weaving through those obstacle course thingies on Animal Planet.
If you can't be a city walker - stay in the suburbs!
***
Speaking of the 'burbs. I went out there this weekend to Target. I can't remember why I went anymore - but I know that it will be awhile before I try that again.
There was a very strange air out there. Like a giant pool of sharks, circling, just on the brink of a feeding frenzy, without going over.
There's an unease in the suburbs. An underlying sense that it's not enough. That they're not enough. It's the new rat race. The more they buy and consume, the greater the pit that grows inside; the greater the fear that there is no finish line when you're only racing yourself.
Who needs to keep up with the Jones' when you can't keep up with yourself and your own idea of necessity. Gotta have the low rider jeans mom, even if I'm twelve. Can I have this Xbox dad, even if I have a Playstation 2 also, cuz Tyler has an Xbox. Mom I need these J.Lo sunglasses. Maybe if we get tired of shopping, we can go to the food stand and chill with a couple of chili nachos, hot dogs, and large cokes? Hm? Then we'll have reason to buy all these pilates DVDs, and say we use the Atkins or South Beach diet, and cry along when fat ass Dr. Phil tells us how not to be.
Their war on trend mongering is like their government's war on terrorism - it's an indefinite one, without purpose or goal, but plenty of casualties.
***
I don't wanna sound elitist. I get down on the city folk as well. Sitting in their coffeshops, drinking the right drink, wearing the right thrift store clothes. They just don't have quite the frenzy about them yet is all. Yet.
Me? Heck I'm almost Mary Poppins - practically perfect in every way. ;)
(well, except for this hunchback. and stroke induced lisp. and my never fixed broken nose. And did I mention I'm prone to canker sores, oh, and involuntary flatulence....)
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