6:45 p.m. - 02.05.2004
10 million strong....and groooowing
When I get bored I like to watch movies in my head. If I've seen something enough times, it's a good chance I have it memorized and stored in my head for future replay during downtimes so as to keep myself amused.
So, today at work I was bored and was watching Big in my cube. The great thing about the brain is that it works a lot more like DVD than VHS. I can jump straight to a scene of my choosing and watch it over and over.
So I was laughing along to some of my favorite parts in Big when it hit me - I'm Big. I'm big now.
You see, when that move came out, I was the same age as the young Tom Hanks (Josh), maybe a tad younger. So to me - the movie was a riot cuz I had no concept of life as a big person (work, money, dating, boobies). And I guess I've pretty much kept that mind state. But I was remembering the part where the girl comes to his place and asks to stay the night and he says, "You mean sleep-over? ...m'okay. But I get to be on top!" And I was laughing cuz growing up I always wanted to say that, as a joke, to some girl in the same situation when I was older just for a laugh. And then today I was still laughing at the remembrance of that part and I thought, "I still need to do that when I'm big.....er, wait. I am big.
I only mention it because of the larger ramifications. How much more of my life is in denial still? I've been humming and skipping along, waiting for things to happen to me when I get older - without noticing that I'm here already.
Everyone I went to HS and college with have been working real jobs, making children, owning homes, and all that junk for a long long time. The bus carrying all of us pulled into the "adult" station long ago, but I'm like Dory on Finding Nemo - still sitting on the bus, smiling and whistling and looking all around, completely unaware otherwise that anything else is or should be going on.
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